When someone took what is yours, it is definitely a major heartbreak. But what happened when the person you married cheated on you behind your back? Yes, it feels as though as if someone stabbed you straight in the heart, taking your most vital organ and left you nothing. Cheating is any situation that has you in a compromising situation with someone other than your own partner (Larry James, November 2005).
There are many reasons why people cheat and the reasons are needs are not fulfilled by their partners, partners always demonstrate insecurities and low self esteem, having insecurities towards you partner and ways to overcome are to forgive your partner, learning to trust your partner again, communicate with your partner and break off all contacts with the other man or other woman. Cheating occurs because sometimes needs are not fulfilled by their partners. Most primary needs for a woman are affection, understanding, and respect from their partners while basic needs for a man are attention, acceptance and trust.
Both women and men longing for as much attention from their partner. They need to feel like they are needed and important. They need somebody they can confide in. Without the attention, people tend to look for others who can provide them with what they need. Sometimes a person will cheat on their partner because they feel like their partner is not giving them as much attention as they would like them to (Marvin W Perry, 2008). When there is lack of attention in a relationship, we are tempted to look elsewhere, thus we will cheat.
Another reason for cheating is partners always demonstrate insecurities and low self esteem. Insecurities towards your partner happens because we think of the idea of what if they falls for someone who is probably younger or prettier. When we let insecurities and our low self esteem control our mind, it will cause a larger gap distance between you and your partner. Sometimes, jealousy happen due to past experiences that the other partner have trust issues with. Jealousy is the surest way to drive away the very person we may fear losing (Larry James, 2005).
When this happens, it is true that they will cheat. Cheating also happen due to having insecurities towards your partner. When you are always jealous and does not trust your partner, it is hard to keep the relationship going strong. Your partner will feel that you are always in doubts about them, this will make them realize that maybe you are just not worth it. They will feel that you do not trust them enough, thus they go far someone who do. Insecurities towards your partner will only bring damage to the relationship.
One of the ways to overcome cheating is to forgive your partner. Although truly getting over an affair is the hardest challenge, worse than unforeseen tragedy, it is possible to forget about it. The betrayed partner needs to learn to forgive the cheating partner, even if it takes months or even years because the wound does not heal easily, it cannot be rushed (Katie Lersch,2007). Cheated partners on the other hand cannot push or force them to forgive them. They need to give them as much space as they need to in order for the healing process to happen.
They will forgive them once they are ready. Next is to learn to trust your partner again. Sometimes, you have to have faith in your partner that he or she will never do it again. After all, trust is the key foundation to a successful relationship. Without trust, a relationship will not survive. Imagine being with someone who question every single thing that you do, it does not sound that exciting, does it? Thus, it is fundamental to put your trust to your partner again after they cheating. You can also try to talk with your partner about the affair.
However, consistently bringing up the past will reopens the wound and prolongs the completion of the healing process. Communicating with your partner also another way to overcome cheating. Effective communication is a requirement of a healthy, wholesome, happy and successful relationship (Larry James, 2005). You need to talk thoroughly with your partner about everything in the relationship and need to look at what was missing that caused the cheating to occur in the first place. By communicating about the relationship, it helps to create a stronger bond between you and your spouse.
Saying ‘nothing is wrong’ when everything is wrong is very unhealthy in a relationship. You cannot avoid any unpleasant event just by not talking about it. The last way to overcome cheating is by breaking off all contacts with the affair. If the cheated partners want another chance, they must immediately break off all contact with the affair. No phone calls, no letters, no emails, nothing (Larry James, 2005). If they really want to change for the sake of the relationship, they must promise to their partner that no other relationship will occur with the affair, and they must walk the talk.
As for the conclusion, I know that working the aftermath of an affair is difficult, but it can truly be worth it. There are many reasons why people cheat and the reasons are needs are not fulfilled by their partners, partners always demonstrate insecurities and low self esteem, having insecurities towards your partner and ways to overcome are to forgive your partner, learning to trust your partner again, communicate with your partner and break off all contacts with the other man or woman.
January 9, 2018
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