Two Causes and Effects of Extramarital Affairs
Lack of affection between spouses and the casual attitude of one partner towards the value of faithfulness are for me the two most common causes of extramarital affairs which lead to devastating stress in any relationship. When I hear news of ‘nice people’ I know who are engaged in extramarital affairs, I could understand why it happened and what could have changed them. I would remember having the impression of lack of warmth between the couple when I was with them. I begin to recall those situations when I have observed lack of affection between the spouses.
When I notice that they do not even talk, much less offer one another an affectionate hug or squeeze. We are only people. We always seek affection. I could imagine the very moment when these people have sunk to their low point and reached out desperately to another person for intimacy and affection. Is it just sex? I believe that for them, it was more than sex. I think these people just wanted to feel close to someone. They wanted to feel appreciated and have someone really look at them again. Then there are those who even before they got married were already expected to stray. These people believe that monogamy is unnatural.
We even nickname these people, “dogs”, “tomcats”, “players”, and “playboys”. They only think that as long as they come home to their wives or partners; the sex outside marriage/commitment they get means nothing. It should never be a big deal. A verbal apology when caught should suffice. But of course, once their partners know, fights and recriminations would ensue. The latter becomes the stressed victim. The straying partners hate the arguments and the efforts of their spouses to make them feel guilty. The straying partners experience the stress of being defensive all the time.
Both partners may even resort to physical abuse. What does this extramarital affair bring to the couple? The effects that usually occur are emotional disorders such as depression, insomnia, irritability and chronic physical disorders such as hypertension. Children in the family are the ones who suffer more. Children do not concentrate well on their studies and even engage in deviant behavior. Children are so sensitive and they may even imagine that they caused the stress between their parents. Nobody wants to experience the stress brought about by extramarital affairs.
So we have to take care of how we behave with our spouses. All of us know that little acts of carelessness and neglect can dissolve affection. No matter how strongly you presently love your spouse, it would run out empty if we also do not show little gestures of kindness, care and consideration towards each other each day. Before we commit to someone we should also first know if they want to commit to us. We know when somebody is not a faithful person. We know when somebody does not believe in being exclusive. We should let this dog out and make sure they stay away from our lives.
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