The Diary of Eva Smith

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1st may 1990

Today id my 16th birthday, and I’m leaving the children’s home that I have lived in since I was 10, when I was orphaned by a road accident. I’m really sad to be leaving after six years, but I have never really been able to make friends here, because people think I’m weird. They call me a loner, which is not true because I don’t not have friends out of choice, I’d do anything to meet some friends. Perhaps I might meet some people at the hostel I am moving into, after all, it is full of people my age. I’m supposed to be getting some help from the head of the children’s home to move my stuff in to the new place, so maybe I might meet some people then.

2nd May 1990 2:00pm

I moved into my room last night, but it’s not quite as I imagined it would be. The hostel is an old building, falling apart. The rooms are dirty, with an obvious smell of damp, and my carpet is thick with dirt. The noise from the people upstairs in unbelievable, because the man and woman above me are constantly playing loud music, which causes a loud thumping noise in my room. I daren’t complain though, as I met an older girl called Tina, who warned me that they were trouble, so I’ll just have to stick it out. Tina is a very nice girl, pretty, and very fashionable. We started chatting whilst I was making breakfast in the kitchen this morning and she mentioned coming over to my room and having a chat. I knew I would find a friend in this place eventually!

2nd May 1990 11:45pm

I have just had the best night of my life! Not only did Tina come down and see me, but she invited me to a party, which was amazing! She leant me a beautiful black dress with matching bag, and did my hair for me. I felt amazing! The party was in one of Tina’s friends houses, packed with about 100 people, who were dancing, drinking, and having so much fun. Tina was so confident, which is how I’ve always wanted to be, so I asked her for some tips. Later on at the party, a drunk Tina sat me down and explained that she had the only solution to my confidence troubles, and pulled a tiny clear bag from her handbag, revealing two tiny pink pills. I knew what they were instantly, and hesitated as she handed one to me, but I desperately wanted Tina’s confidence, and I trusted her, so I took it. After that I shone. The party seemed a lot more relaxed, and so did I, and I was soon up dancing with all the others, fitting in.

3rd May 1990 12:45pm

I am so, so disappointed with myself for last night. I can’t help but thinking about what my parents would have said if they knew. However, I’ve got to pull myself up and out of my bed, because I have an interview at three. I am beginning to get tired of this house. There is rising damp up my walls now, which is making me ill. I’m sure that the couple upstairs are on drugs, because I noticed a needle sticking out of one of the bin bags. If the landlord doesn’t do anything I am going to be so upset, as I’m getting quite sick of living like this. It’s just not fair. I just hope this job interview goes better than I think it will, and cheer me up a bit.

3rd May 1990 6:00pm

I didn’t get the job, because I did not have the appropriate qualifications. The interviewer was very rude and patronising, and he said some things to me which were way out of line. And just to top it off, the landlord told me that he’s not going to do anything about the state of the hostel, and he told me to take any problems I had with housemates up with them.

5th May 1990 9:00am

Tina has been in to see me twice, but the third time she came over was to give me some bad news. She was moving out tomorrow, her parents had got her a place in Birmingham, a long way from here, so I was unlikely to be able to see her again. I wish I had the opportunity to leave, but I don’t think I’ll ever get out of this horrible place. Nobody will give me a job, so I have to carry on living with drug users, in a dirty room with no friends. I cannot believe that she is leaving. I am also worried because if I cannot get a job soon, I am going to be evicted. Homeless at 16.

6th May 1990 10:00pm

I got up this morning to find that Tina had already left, without bothering to say goodbye, but she did leave me something. It was a small brown envelope, in which I found 3 pills. I’ve made a promise to myself that I am not going to take them, no matter how awful thing happens in the next couple of days.

8th May 1990 4:40pm

By this morning, I had had one hours sleep all night long, because the couple upstairs were having a row, and throwing things at each other. I truly am at my wits end with this place, and I am going upstairs nw to have a word with them about their noise.

8th May 1990 5:40pm

So much for thinking that talking to the couple upstairs would help. It just made things worse. The man upstairs, Phil, shouted in my face, and stupidly I shouted back, to which he retaliated by punching me. Right in the face. I now have a black eye and I am too scared to even leave my room. I cannot stop shaking. I called the landlord, and got the usual response from him. It’s not his problem. And the noise has become louder. I am so tempted to take those pills. If they worked on my nerves last time, maybe I’ll have the confidence to stand up for myself this time. I am becoming sick and tired of being so weak.

8th May 1990 6:00pm

I knew I shouldn’t have taken those pills. I don’t feel the same as UI did last time. I feel sick, dizzy, like everyone’s out to get me. I don’t understand why everyone keeps on kicking me back down. I don’t see the point any more.

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