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It all started one cold frosty night in December; I was sitting in my room staring out side. I wasn’t really focusing on anything just a spec on the wall thinking and hoping. At the moment in school I felt really left out I was friendly with the so-called ‘popular group. ‘ They all had boyfriends having fun sharing experiences. I was really starting to get jealous and wished I could join in there conversations. I’d never had a boyfriend it never bothered me wasn’t interested. I used too much rather spend my lunch times quietly sitting in the form room or attending school practises, something changed.

I looked at my self over and over in mirror standing in front of me. I didn’t like what I saw never did approve of the way I looked always hoped I was someone different. I’m not at all pretty and my bumpy complexion always gets me down. I always end up just looking at my friends wishing I were like them. No one at school would ever be seen dead with me. I got up from the place I had been standing pointlessly for the last hour and made my way to a computer, I then went onto MSN messenger service and logged on. This is where I spent most of my time chatting to friends. I noticed a new person had added me to there contact list so we could talk.

It wasn’t an email address I was familiar with but I accepted all the same. In my mind I started playing back the lectures my mum had given me about these tales of chat room dramas. I didn’t think anything would come of it I didn’t think it would do any harm. I was just having fun. I started a conversation with this guy that had just added me. I was being really flirty not at all my self, after all he didn’t know who I was he didn’t no what I was like. He asked me how old I was; I wanted to sound big not this childish fifteen-year-old I actually was, so I told him I was seventeen.

I asked him the same and told me he was twenty but it was only three years not a big deal. That’s what he though. The conversations went on for nights, I had an eager urge to get on to the computer at night and talk to him. During those few nights I found out a lot about him, he lived in Manchester, which is about fifty miles up the road from where I live. Another thing I got out of him was he worked in a car depot and had been earning a fair amount of money enough to by his own flat. He was doing rather well but wouldn’t tell me his second name his first being Dan. I didn’t really think much of this at the time you never do.

The next night was a Wednesday rushed home from school to sign on and talk to him. I was really excited I had a feeling I’d never felt before I couldn’t understand it but I knew it was good. Dan had now started reacting to my flirty comments. All he wanted now was a picture, how could I do it and make it look real. I could get a picture of my cousin, she is stunning and about eighteen but I look nothing like her. I decided the best option was a picture of me looking my best, I was tall for my ages and hoped I would pass as seventeen. I want to have a secret love, a love nobody knows about, my love.

I sent the file I had a lump in my throat as it was sending. A couple of minutes later he received it, he liked what he saw. He starting asking deeper questions, intermit questions, things I didn’t like talking about I was only fifteen years old after all. I still played along trying to be mature. I wanted someone to want me. I then asked him to send me a picture an aroma of excitement filled me. I got it and opened it. Wow! He was gorgeous way more looking than any one in year 10 at our school. He was tall dark and extremely handsome with a lovely olive skin tone. His checked designer shirt really flattered him.

I couldn’t take my eyes off what I saw. I starting asking myself questions, ‘why didn’t he have a girlfriend? ‘ I wanted to ask him so much more, I wanted to meet him. Everything he said to me meant so much. The next day at school I really wanted to tell people. To let people no someone out there wanted me. Not for what I am but that didn’t matter they didn’t know that. I walked in my rowdy form room with a smile across my face. I was going to tell her I had to tell someone. She was one of my best friends she wouldn’t tell she would understand and not stop me. This was Sarah; we’d been close for years, grown up together.

I told her all about Dan the love of my life. How much he meant to me and basically everything he had said to me. She just laughed continuously as if she didn’t believe me. I couldn’t put up with this, I just walked off. For the first time in my lie I had stuck up for my self. Dan’s impact had changed me. I was hurt and the rest of the school day I spent alone. In fairy tale land dreaming of Dan. I rushed up to my room that night to get on to the computer. I was completely cut off from family life now mum had noticed that. I didn’t care I had Dan. At this moment in time, his thoughts ruled most of my brain. I didn’t mind this.

I signed on to MSN messenger once again. He was online, as he was all the time. I seem like all he does is stay on to the computer. A few random comments and this were it we were arranging our date. My first date with gorgeous Dan. I was filled with excitement. Now I new it was actually happening I got nervous. Never the less I still took the next step, planning where and when we were going to meet. I hoped it would be soon. Then Dan suggested we met this Saturday night in Manchester. That’s was perfect I was going shopping with my friends in the day so I could meet him after then get a train back. I now had butterflies in my stomach.

We were meeting at eight in the centre of Manchester and going out for a meal! I had so much to do in so little time. I was so undecided on what to wear, I wanted to no what would appeal to him. In the end I went for the casual sophisticated look. I needed to make my self look older as grown up as possible. I picked out of my crowded wardrobe a black trouser suit and a white shirt with extremely high pointed boots. I decided not to tell any one. I didn’t need the lecturing, deep down I new it was wrong but I still let my self go ahead with it. All of that night I tossed and turned wondering what the next day would add to my life.

I had to get up early the next morning, it was a bright cheerful morning. I got out of bed and showed, styled my hair and spent ages carefully applying make up to deceive him further. I met five of my friends at the train station a few miles from my house. I still hadn’t quite worked out how to tell my mum why I would be so late back. I didn’t want to put a time on it; I wanted to spend all the time I could with Dan. I was in luck, as we were drawing into the train station my dad gave a key and told me to let my self in as they were going out and wouldn’t be back till very late.

He wanted my back by eight. They would never know if I weren’t in in time, so I wasn’t at all worried. As I got out of the car my friends stared at me, they looked shocked. They commented on how mature and old I looked. I felt really dressed up compared to them. They were just wearing the usual dress code of jeans and a top. We got on to the train and all brought returns. They were all planning when to get the train back they decided about seven. That suited me I had an hour to get ready for my date. I was forced to tell another white lie, I told them my dad was picking me up and we were going for a meal.

Not too far from the truth I was going for a meal just not with my dad. I didn’t like lying to them it was just easier than telling them the truth I didn’t what their disapproval it wasn’t their life. I had a really good day shopping with them didn’t really set my mind to it though. How could I with the prospect of meeting Dan ahead of me? The time slowly ticked by minute by minute. At last it was time for the others to go home and me to take the next step in meeting Dan. I dropped them at the train station and continued walking around Manchester. I found a toilet and topped up my makeup so I looked refreshed.

I was unbelievable nervous. My first date ever with I guy I hadn’t met, I guy five years older than me. The time came and I was waiting where we had arranged to meet. People going out, dressed up in smart clothes surrounded me. This street was filled with trendy restaurants and bars. What meal would he take me for? Thoughts were rushing through my mind. I looked around the crowded square, I didn’t no how I would find him. I stood there waiting hoping this wasn’t just a joke. He promised me he would be able to find me but no one around here looked like Dan. All of I sudden I felt I firm hand on my shoulder.

It shocked me so I turned round instantly behind me was a man, I must of looked at him blankly because shortly after he said he was Dan. I gush of disappointment filled me. He wasn’t the Dan in the picture. To be honest he looked about forty and wasn’t at all good looking. I stood their staring not having a clue what I should do. He then acting normally said well what do want to eat. I was shocked I didn’t want to do anything with him this wasn’t fun. I was scared and so helpless. I thought the best thing was to do what he wanted, after all a meal can’t do too much harm. I was starving as well.

I was very wary of what I was doing nevertheless I followed him into this rather trendy bar. Dan had a rather gentle comforting voice making me feel slightly better. I sat down my legs shaking like a leaf. We got menus and he asked me what I wanted to drink pointing the alcoholic menu in front of me. I wanted to seem big so I accepted the offer and ordered a vodka and lime. As the night went on I got more and more confident we got talking and he was actually really pleasant. I had to make up which university I was in and what I was studying. Maybe he just looked old for his age, little did I no how trusting I was being.

I must of drank quite a lot he just kept ordering me top ups. I felt a bit dizzy we had finished are meal and were waiting for the bill he was being really friendly dressed in his cream cords and checked shirt. He took the bill and paid I was getting a lot more chatty. We got out side it was freezing and pitch black about ten already I really needed to get home. I thought I had got of lightly I could just get a train now everything would be fine. Instead of it going to plan he asked me into his flat for ‘coffee’. We all knew what that meant I didn’t want to argue with him just one drink couldn’t take that long.

He said his flat was minute’s way so something pushed me into it. The walk was quite good, I was very impressed he hadn’t tried anything on. I was being harsh he could be completely genuine. We walked up the many stairs to his flat. They were blocks of modern flats all unique. He let me in and directed me to the lounge. It was all open plan very posh, with his top of the range television and stereo. I felt unbelievable relaxed and at home. Dan sat down of the leather couch next to me and started to make moves towards me. I didn’t like it he got closer and closer making intermit moves.

He told me too calm down I was breathing really deeply and starting to panic. He then started to take my clothes off. It was all happening so quickly, I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came out. Dan was so strong he got on top of me his strength on top of me was unbearable. I could her him breathing down my ear. He leant to kiss me I pulled away the best I could. I could tell he was starting to get annoyed you could see it in his eyes. The next thing that happened seemed like it was in a nightmare. I never thought that would have happened to me, I was taken advantage of at fifteen years of age.

I wasn’t willing it wasn’t what I wanted. After he had finished, he got off me to my relief. Well he had got what he wanted I was no use now. I ran as quickly as I could out of the block of flats, dressing my self as I went. I didn’t stop just carried on tears streaming down my face mascara running everywhere. I was shaking I felt sick I felt incomplete. I got to the station in such a state people just looked at me in astonishment. I hadn’t even noticed it was raining and I was soaking wet, my clothes sticking to me. At the station I looked at the time it was a few minutes to twelve. I needed to get home I wanted my parents.

I needed my parents I had no one. I wanted to tell them I wanted to cry into my moms comforting arms. The next train was in about twenty minutes so I sat down wrapped the jacket around me and huddled up. I couldn’t stop crying I couldn’t say a word. All train journeys I sat there wishing it had all been a dream, replying the events in my head. If only I had of come home with my mates, I wouldn’t be hurting so much I wouldn’t be in this mess. I can’t believe he took it way from me that easily forcing me into it. There was only one word for it, rape. Did he plan to get me drunk? Was that his aim after all?

The train drew in at the station it felt so good to be home. I walked the remained of my journey petrified about what my parents would say. I got to my house outside was a police car, what had I done? I hadn’t even walked up the drive when mum came out and hugged me she held me there for wart seemed like ages tears of joy trickling down her face. All night I spent explaining everything to my parents and the police. They didn’t even tell me off it was past that the looks of disappointment meant a lot more, it was far worse. I didn’t sleep for weeks and never visited that messenger service again. I felt used I felt dirty.

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